Rediscovery

I've been on an interesting journey this past few weeks and I have had some very wise people give me some very good advice and reassurances. I hurt my neck training last week and was unable to compete on Saturday, but was very happy to see my teammates work their asses off and compete so well. I'm very proud of each of you.

Getting hurt was somewhat of a blessing in disguise and a wakeup call for me. Sure, it cost me $40, but in the end I know I was not mentally prepared to compete. The pressure I felt to compete gave me a lot of misgivings about why I train and what I want to achieve. So I asked some very smart people (you know who you are and I thank you) what my problem was and whether I was being a total pussy for feeling this way. Although I do still feel a little bit like a pussy, I realized through these conversations that what is important to me is improving on the mat, getting and staying in shape, feeling good about myself, all while doing my best not to get hurt. I also want to be a good role model for my kids and know how to protect all of us in case self defense is ever necessary.

I look at my stage in life and know what is important to me. Jiu-jitsu is near the top of the list, but behind my family and my career. I am dedicated to continuing to become the best Jiu-jitsu practitioner I can within my limitations. The facts remain that I didn't wrestle or study other martial arts throughout my life and there are going to be people that are simply more physically gifted than I am and have more time to work out and train than I do. I can't afford to compare myself to anyone else because it will cause me to have a skewed view of where I am and how far I can get.

My journey might take longer than most, but I will not give in and I will not give up. I rededicate to each of you my commitment to getting to the next level and will work with what I have and give you as big of a challenge as you give me.

I'll hopefully be back in a week or so after my neck feels better.

P.S. Wes, I still intend to tap you at some point. You are a gold medalist as far as I'm concerned, so it will be very sweet and rewarding.

P.S.S. I signed up to do the Tough Mudder next June, so I really do need to pick it up and get in much, much better shape than I am today. Seth's S&C classes will be my first step...